A gift for my children.

I am going to start off each post from now on with steps to becoming a Super Dad.

Signs of a Super Dad:
Super Dads can navigate any stroller in any terrain using one hand.


If you had one gift, only one gift, that you could give to your offspring what would it be? It is a pretty difficult question. Happiness? Intelligence? Always loved? One gift you knew for sure they would learn or acquire from you. I don’t even have to think about it. Self esteem. Pure and simple. When I look back at my life, I will know I have succeeded as a parent if all my children have healthy, strong self-esteem. To me nothing is more important.

I believe most of our societal problems are either directly or indirectly related to self-esteem. Before I go any further, I just want to make a distinct difference between high self-esteem and being arrogant. There is a simple way to distinguish the two. The arrogant person enjoys hearing themselves talk. The person with high self-esteem enjoys listening. Let me explain further, a person with high self-esteem does not need to talk themselves up or talk about the great things they have done. They did them, they were there, they don’t need to brag or keep themselves the center of attention. They know they are a good person and don’t need to feed off of others approval. Now, let me also point out I have never met someone who have reached the self-esteem “Nirvana”. That place where you never doubt or feel down on yourself. Quite frankly, I don’t believe such a person ever existed. A person with high self-esteem may doubt themselves every now an again, that’s just natural, but they don’t dwell and they quickly recover to their normal high self-esteem selves. So why is self-esteem so important?

I am not going to waste my time and yours reciting the research on the connection between low self-esteem and depression, eating disorders, anxiety disorder etc, etc. It is an obvious connection and a simple Google search will verify that. I am not saying low self-esteem is the cause of all these disorders. What I am saying is building my children’s high self-esteem will significantly reduce the chances of them getting many of these disorders.

I would also argue high self-esteem is more important then say, intelligence. Let me give you a simple example. Let us say child one has an exceptionally high IQ, studies very hard, and invents a flying car. He becomes filthy rich and famous but has an atrocious self image. Child two never did very well in school, isn’t what we would consider as intelligent, and for her entire life worked as the manager of a local gas station. She likes who she for what she is. She has very high self-esteem and has no problem with her lot in life. Now, especially in America, many people would say that child one is better off. That ones monetary gains and stature in life equates into a successful life. But, I would be prouder of child two because they are confident with themselves. They are happy with whom they are and that’s all I want. If my child likes who they are it doesn’t matter what they do.

(But, let us not be ridiculous here. On a strictly selfish reason, child one can be, sometimes, tempting. The idea of my child buying me this
www.mustangheaven.com/stangspecs/2008/2008ShelbyGT500KR.htm
in black with red trim, and don’t forget the fog lights, is extremely appealing. But, that’s that American devil talking. Oh and Christmas IS coming up if anyone needed a suggestion)

So, two examples out of many, many more I can come up with. Of course the obvious next question is how does a Super Dad accomplish this magnificent feat of Dadhoodom? Feck, I don’t know. Really, I can only speculate, and if this blog is around 30 years from now we will know if I am correct or not. First of all I will do what my parents did. I would admit to having a pretty good Self-esteem. Not as good as I would like, but even Super Dads aren’t perfect. I attribute this to how my parents raised me. When I was young, I cannot think of a time my parents ever made fun of me, or even mocked me in anyway. I think this is a huge factor, especially to young kids, on how they develop self-esteem. Mocking your children to their face, even if you think its harmless ribbing, is trying to make yourself feel better at their expense. Nothing productive comes from it. So, think a little before you make that seemingly harmless comment. If you are constantly putting them down how will they learn not to do it themselves? Another thing my parents did was tell me they loved me to such a degree it was annoying. They still do! I will also. Telling your child you love them over and over to a ridiculous extend is building your child’s self-esteem, plain and simple. They learn from your example. Every time you tell your child you love them is another brick on their self-esteem foundation.

Now, I will only compliment my children on something they did correctly. I don’t like telling kids their great even when they fail. When they fail they should know it and be taught how to do it right. Over complimenting for failure is setting up children for failure in the real world. Your children aren’t perfect and I/you need to realize that. They have to learn how to work for something. Working through failures to achieve a goal is a great way to build self-esteem. A child learns that by working hard they improve themselves and should take pride in that. This is something I never really understood as a kid. I hope I can relate this to my children.

To close, I truly hope I have the ability to build my children’s self esteem house. I hope it is sturdy when the winds of anger and turmoil come. That the roof does not leak with the pounding rain of the blues. That the foundation is strong so it does not collapse under stress. That it stays cool and a place of refuge when the suffocating heats of life’s problems arrive. That the house is the most envied on the block and something all would strive for when looked upon.

Thank You for reading.