Signs of a Super Dad: A super dad doesn’t drive like an idiot. He doesn’t drive at an unnecessary high rate of speed. He doesn’t tailgate. He doesn’t flash his high beams trying to get people out of the way. The super dad’s cargo is way too precious to be screwing around.
Before we begin let me warn you, this is going to be a little tirade I need to get off my chest. So if you don’t like whining stop reading now.
I play a lot of volleyball, about 3 times a week at 2 hours a pop. The reason I am bringing this up is because I need to rant about “that guy” (or girl. But, honestly I have never played with a woman who acted like this. I am sure they are out there but I just have never met one.) What “guy” you ask? The ultra competitive, win at all costs, jerk. The “guy” who plays like losing means one of his testicles is going to be torn off. The “guy” who openly cheats. And lastly, this “guy” is terrible. I mean god awful at whatever sport he is playing. This…drives…me…nuts! This ass ruins the game for everyone. Look, I am not saying there isn’t a time to be competitive. If we are playing in a league then yes, go right ahead and be a bit of a jag-off. I can understand that. But, when we are at the YMCA and playing with a bunch of old people don’t act like a jackass. Why must people behave like this?!
Everyone can be a little competitive, it is okay, but don’t start mocking people for playing poorly and play like this is the only thing you have in life. During the week, I play volleyball so I can get away from the house and kids. It is my 'me time'. I want to play, unwind, and chat with some of my buddies. I don’t want to listen to some idiot rant and rave. Not only does it annoy the hell out of me, it makes me play poorly, which in turn, makes me even angrier. Plus, this guy’s behavior is like an infection. It spreads to everyone playing and what you get is a bunch of adults acting like they are back in middle school. When a guy like this shows up all I want to do is smash a spike into his face knocking him unconscious. Instead of enjoying myself, I spend my time getting all worked up trying to shut this idiot up, which by the way, never happens. What does happen is I just get angry, not talk to anyone, and end up accidentally smashing a ball into some innocent woman’s face.
You know what else? This @#%$head is the reason people get seriously hurt. He is incredibly uncoordinated, 70lbs overweight, and throws his body around without any thought for others safety. I have torn my ankle to shreds because of being undercut at the net because of “This Guy!” I was out for a month! This happened TWICE! I have witnessed a man’s bone sticking out of his leg because some idiot just couldn’t tone it down.
Thankfully what normally happens is this guy pulls up lame after a horrible shot. Of course, he thinks that his ineptitude is directly related to an injury and not to total suckage. Then he announces his injury like we should be in awe. Is your self-esteem so pitifully low that you actually think that “pulling a hammy” makes you cool? Do you need this to supplement your life?
I am not saying don’t try, and I understand some people are very uncoordinated. I also think it is fantastic when someone is trying to get back into shape. What I am saying is don’t be a jerk. Look, if you're just naturally competitive person it’s fine to get fired up, but DO NOT mock people when they do poorly, coach people who don’t want it, and try to explain to people better then you how to play correctly. Keep your mouth shut unless it is something positive. The most enjoyment I get is playing with people who don’t care about the score. We are just hanging out, being supportive, and having fun. I also enjoy having intensely competitive league games. But you can’t mix the two. If you want to get all fired up join a league. Don’t come to a backyard game and play like it’s the Olympics.
/rant
Thanks for getting through that with me.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Happy Holidays
Happy Holidays everyone! Too busy to post this week. I will leave you with a heart warming article.
http://sports.espn.go.com/espnmag/story?section=magazine&id=3789373
http://sports.espn.go.com/espnmag/story?section=magazine&id=3789373
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Why Do We Enjoy Violence?
Signs of a Super Dad: A wife coming home to, laughter, a couch that is now a fort, and a warm dinner.
I love the NFL. I specifically love the Pittsburgh Steelers. I listen to sports radio everyday with hourly checks of the internet for Steelers updates. When they are playing, I pace the floor while screaming at the TV. I sometimes find myself huddled on the floor in the fetal position after a loss. Yes, I would consider it a borderline obsession. Why do I love a game where massively-large inhuman people bash into each other at high rates of speed? What is this obsession with such violence? Now that I think of it, why do I love movies with bullets flying and large explosions, or Kung-Fu movies with one man using his feet and fists to beat up an army? I sure am not the only one. So, what is with our societies need to watch and enjoy violence?
You can’t tell me it just a “man thing”. Look at your fiction writing. How almost every single best selling book has some form of violence in it, as well as the popularity of shows such as CSI and Heroes. What about the gladiators in ancient Rome? Take a look at Shakespeare. How so much of our fiction has this need for violence to push the plot along. Why do humans have this need for violence? I don’t know, I just think it’s an extremely interesting dichotomy. How we all agree war is terrible but we love watching it on TV. Let me explain further.
If I walked outside at this moment and started drop kicking random strangers in the face it wouldn’t be considered entertainment for those witnessing it. Survivors of war sure don’t find it entertaining. I would go as far as saying we as a people consider violence uncivilized. That people who murder or assault need to be punished by, interestingly enough, more violence. Violence in our home is frightening, and not tolerated, but violence on our TV’s is entertaining. Of course, you would agree that there is a degree of separation between watching or reading and actually experiencing. It’s like we want to get as close as possible to violence without actually fully experiencing it.
Take a leap with me. I am going to say that violence is just a component of, let us call it, the human dark side. That place where such abstract concepts as evil, the Devil, Abba reside. The things most fear and do not wish to experience first hand. We want tastes of this dark side, but if we ‘lose ourselves’ then we are considered inhuman, we even go as far as labeling them an “animal”. Is this how we distinguish between what is human and animal? Is one not human if they cannot control their dark side? You could say serial killers lose themselves to this dark side. Is he/she just a mindless animal? An animal has no conception of what it means to be violent or evil for that matter. An animal will kill for food, or protection, not for thrill. An animal has no dark side. So, I would argue, on this basis, that a serial killer is not equal to an animal. I would say this dark side is what makes us human, and also, perhaps, a beautiful manifestation of a natural occurring homeostatic system.
Restraints or rules society has constructed are meant to keep order, to keep us civilized. Without rules there is no order, no civilization. If we are free to do as we want when we want with no fear of repercussion from a governing body, then the hypothetical question becomes: if this were to happen would we all lose ourselves to our dark side? Would a gluttonous orgy of slaughter and mayhem leading to an apocalypse occur, or do we naturally side with what is ethical and right? Well if you’re an anarchist then it is the latter. Most feel the former. Can we conclude that the fear of humans giving into their dark side is the basis for government and religious dogma? That most feel without some form of societal control we would give in to the Devil/dark side and destroy ourselves. My point isn’t what would hypothetically happen, or what is even correct, but it is just an interesting quirk of the human condition. Why so many of us are interested in tasting something that could possibly destroy us. Well I will leave this question for another post. It is funny how my love for American Football leads to a discussion of the apocalypse.
I love the NFL. I specifically love the Pittsburgh Steelers. I listen to sports radio everyday with hourly checks of the internet for Steelers updates. When they are playing, I pace the floor while screaming at the TV. I sometimes find myself huddled on the floor in the fetal position after a loss. Yes, I would consider it a borderline obsession. Why do I love a game where massively-large inhuman people bash into each other at high rates of speed? What is this obsession with such violence? Now that I think of it, why do I love movies with bullets flying and large explosions, or Kung-Fu movies with one man using his feet and fists to beat up an army? I sure am not the only one. So, what is with our societies need to watch and enjoy violence?
You can’t tell me it just a “man thing”. Look at your fiction writing. How almost every single best selling book has some form of violence in it, as well as the popularity of shows such as CSI and Heroes. What about the gladiators in ancient Rome? Take a look at Shakespeare. How so much of our fiction has this need for violence to push the plot along. Why do humans have this need for violence? I don’t know, I just think it’s an extremely interesting dichotomy. How we all agree war is terrible but we love watching it on TV. Let me explain further.
If I walked outside at this moment and started drop kicking random strangers in the face it wouldn’t be considered entertainment for those witnessing it. Survivors of war sure don’t find it entertaining. I would go as far as saying we as a people consider violence uncivilized. That people who murder or assault need to be punished by, interestingly enough, more violence. Violence in our home is frightening, and not tolerated, but violence on our TV’s is entertaining. Of course, you would agree that there is a degree of separation between watching or reading and actually experiencing. It’s like we want to get as close as possible to violence without actually fully experiencing it.
Take a leap with me. I am going to say that violence is just a component of, let us call it, the human dark side. That place where such abstract concepts as evil, the Devil, Abba reside. The things most fear and do not wish to experience first hand. We want tastes of this dark side, but if we ‘lose ourselves’ then we are considered inhuman, we even go as far as labeling them an “animal”. Is this how we distinguish between what is human and animal? Is one not human if they cannot control their dark side? You could say serial killers lose themselves to this dark side. Is he/she just a mindless animal? An animal has no conception of what it means to be violent or evil for that matter. An animal will kill for food, or protection, not for thrill. An animal has no dark side. So, I would argue, on this basis, that a serial killer is not equal to an animal. I would say this dark side is what makes us human, and also, perhaps, a beautiful manifestation of a natural occurring homeostatic system.
Restraints or rules society has constructed are meant to keep order, to keep us civilized. Without rules there is no order, no civilization. If we are free to do as we want when we want with no fear of repercussion from a governing body, then the hypothetical question becomes: if this were to happen would we all lose ourselves to our dark side? Would a gluttonous orgy of slaughter and mayhem leading to an apocalypse occur, or do we naturally side with what is ethical and right? Well if you’re an anarchist then it is the latter. Most feel the former. Can we conclude that the fear of humans giving into their dark side is the basis for government and religious dogma? That most feel without some form of societal control we would give in to the Devil/dark side and destroy ourselves. My point isn’t what would hypothetically happen, or what is even correct, but it is just an interesting quirk of the human condition. Why so many of us are interested in tasting something that could possibly destroy us. Well I will leave this question for another post. It is funny how my love for American Football leads to a discussion of the apocalypse.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
You’re On The Greener Side of The Fence.
Signs of a Super Dad: A super dad will have his bad days, for he is only human, but it is what he does with those bad days that make him super.
A quick novel update. Last week I received an e-mail from a publishing company I had real hopes for. They did use my name and actual title of my book in their reply, but the reply was a no. I was pretty down about that. They are a small publishing company dealing with only books to my likely reading audience. It left me in a good funk for a couple of hours. I was able to pick myself up, but it has put a dent in my enthusiasm to keep querying. Just another wall I must crush through. Now to the topic of the week.
We have all heard the saying, “The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence.” I want to slap the meaning of this quote with my own little warped philosophy. The lawn on my side of the fence is patchy brown, filled with dandelions, and toys pop up like tombstones in a forgotten graveyard. Across the fence, my neighbor’s lawn is a flawless shade of green, each blade of grass a copy of the next swaying in harmonious glory with each breath of wind. His lawn always hedged in perfect angles. His grass is greener. It will always be greener. So take your shoes off and hope over that fence. Feel the blades of grass under your naked feet? Is this perfection? Feel those feet burning? Feel the caustic chemicals keeping that unnatural green perfection melt through layers of your skin? Is this really perfection? Well, kids can play in MY yard.
The lesson of the above saying is simple but one of the greatest lessons in life is the actual implementation. Most of us live like we are trying to get some place, that we must strive to reach what you feel is a ‘perfect self’ so to say. How you reach this is different for each person. Some say becoming wealthy enough to always take care of your family, or reaching a social standard where you always have many friends, or living in Christ’s image, or achieving enlightenment, either way they are all a goal of your own version of what’s perfection. That you are not perfect compared to ‘something’ and that you must work to rectify it. I don’t like this. I feel as a society we are so driven for perfection that we don’t stop and fully enjoy what we already have.
I live in a 2 bedroom apartment with two kids. I spend most of my days in this small space. Since winter is coming, my children and I are lucky to get outside for an hour or two. The question naturally arises, “Aren’t you going nuts? Don’t you want to live in a house?” Yes, sometimes I do feel like I am going stir crazy. Living in a house would be nice, but I can’t dwell on it. I am using this example to point out: that I could be sitting here brooding over how cramped my family is, but I would be missing out on what is good about being cramped. How easily accessible everything is; how I can keep an eye on both kids sitting in one position. This isn’t just frivolous positive thinking. I just don’t want to live my life missing out on the ‘now’ thinking about what could be. We are always working towards something. Always trying to get that promotion, get that new car, get, get, get. What we don’t realize is once we do get ‘it’ then what? In a year of two my family will move into a new home. When that day comes, a whole bunch of new problems and issues will arise. Then the cycle will begin again. We will have more kids which is going to mean we need a bigger house, or maybe the house isn’t close enough to town. What’s the point with thinking like this?
There is something wrong with this frame of thought. I am not saying not to have goals or aspirations to improve one’s self. What I am saying is don’t be so tied up in what could be. If you’re always living in the future, or the past for that matter, you’re not living with what really matters, and that is what is going on now. I need to make a greater effort to think this way. Hopefully, I will live to a ripe old age and, as I lie on my death bed looking back on my life, I hope I feel like I lived a full life in the “now” instead of always wishing what could or might have been. That I didn’t miss out on what was going on waiting for what was coming up.
Thanks for reading.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Addictive Personality?
Signs of a Super Dad: A Super Dad prepares Thanksgiving dinner and its Gooood.
I was reading an article online today. Here it is:
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?sec=health&res=950DE1DF1138F93BA25752C0A965948260
It is an article in the New York Times about Addictive Personality. Why am I bringing this up? Well, having a general interest from spending a few years working in the psychology field, I think psychological disorders are neat. The Addictive Personality is the next big thing in both the world of psychology and in the general public. To sum up, the article defines an Addictive Personality as having consistent/compulsive behavior that result in some type of “high” that as a result brings personal harm or harm to others. That there are “hard addictions”, such as drug and alcohol use, gambling, sex, and “softer addictions” such as TV watching, running, and internet porn. That people with this type of personality might get one addiction under control just to fall under the spell of another. I would argue that 90% of the population could fall under the Addictive Personality label. That an Addictive Personality is directly related to society’s ideals of what it means to be successful, not to mention a basic instinctual drive.
I know this seems like a pretty ridiculous statement, and my opinion is based completely on anecdotal evidence. But, hear me out. Let me first start with the basic instinctual drive. We have to eat. Eating gives you a “high”. Why does it? Well my view is that a thousand years ago if I would risk my life trying to kill a wooly mammoth with a stick, all the while avoiding large predatory animals with sharp pointy teeth, it better be the best tasting steak I have ever eaten. We all love good food. We all know that “high” feeling after eating something very yummy. It’s not the same as freebasing crack, but it is still a “high”. Is eating an addiction? For most of America yes. McDonalds hasn’t served billions because it is good for you. People eat it because it gives them that “high” feeling. I don’t keep eating pizza and wings for my health. Logically there is no reason to eat food that is killing you. We eat it because it feels good. This is the perfect example of an addiction, bringing harm to oneself as a result of getting that “high”. Of course, one could argue its all about moderation. That it isn’t an addiction if you’re eating moderately and not becoming overweight. This is true but how many people actually eat in moderation? If 2/3 of America could be considered overweight it is not many. http://www.surgeongeneral.gov/news/testimony/obesity07162003.htm
Now, how is an Addictive Personality directly related to the drive to become successful in our society? Addiction to ones career. The article pointed out a very interesting fact that doctors have the highest rate of opiate addiction in any group. Doctors are perfect examples of what I mean. Would you not say our society says being a doctor means you are successful? Just think how blindly dedicated a person has to be to become a doctor. The amount of pain and sacrifice they have to go through. The amount of stress they experience to obtain their standing in life, and we all know how harmful to the body stress is. The pressure they put on both themselves and their loved ones. Why would anyone go through such an ordeal? Perhaps for the “high”? That “high” feeling of accomplishment? The “high” you get from knowing you helped someone? Maybe even the “high” you get from your monetary standing compared to others? I am not a doctor, but I am pretty sure you don’t go through all that pain and anguish for no reason. They do it because something about it makes them feel good and it’s enough of a “high” feeling to keep them coming back. Is this not an addiction? How much different is this compared to other “highly successful” people. How many families are destroyed because a father or mother never sees their family because they are “addicted” to the job? I don’t have any statistics to back this up, but I would guess there are vastly greater numbers of people addict to their jobs compared to drugs.
Now, I would even go as far as to say that if you picked a random person off the street you would find out they are “addicted” to something. Think about yourself. Is their not something you do almost everyday that could be considered harmful to either yourself or your family? Doing something that causes too much stress, eating too many calories, spending too much time on the computer instead of paying attention to your kids. So what I am saying is this: there is no such thing as an Addictive Personality. We all have our addictions, some might have gotten into more serious ones, but we all still have them. Good or bad if most of the population has something it is not a disorder. Saying a human has an Addictive Personality is like diagnosing a dog with OCD because it can’t help chasing a ball. It just doesn’t make sense. Having an Addictive Personality is part of the human experience.
Thank you for reading. Tell a friend.
I have tried to enable showing comments directly under my posts. Some people are posting very insightful opinions that I hope all will read.
I was reading an article online today. Here it is:
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?sec=health&res=950DE1DF1138F93BA25752C0A965948260
It is an article in the New York Times about Addictive Personality. Why am I bringing this up? Well, having a general interest from spending a few years working in the psychology field, I think psychological disorders are neat. The Addictive Personality is the next big thing in both the world of psychology and in the general public. To sum up, the article defines an Addictive Personality as having consistent/compulsive behavior that result in some type of “high” that as a result brings personal harm or harm to others. That there are “hard addictions”, such as drug and alcohol use, gambling, sex, and “softer addictions” such as TV watching, running, and internet porn. That people with this type of personality might get one addiction under control just to fall under the spell of another. I would argue that 90% of the population could fall under the Addictive Personality label. That an Addictive Personality is directly related to society’s ideals of what it means to be successful, not to mention a basic instinctual drive.
I know this seems like a pretty ridiculous statement, and my opinion is based completely on anecdotal evidence. But, hear me out. Let me first start with the basic instinctual drive. We have to eat. Eating gives you a “high”. Why does it? Well my view is that a thousand years ago if I would risk my life trying to kill a wooly mammoth with a stick, all the while avoiding large predatory animals with sharp pointy teeth, it better be the best tasting steak I have ever eaten. We all love good food. We all know that “high” feeling after eating something very yummy. It’s not the same as freebasing crack, but it is still a “high”. Is eating an addiction? For most of America yes. McDonalds hasn’t served billions because it is good for you. People eat it because it gives them that “high” feeling. I don’t keep eating pizza and wings for my health. Logically there is no reason to eat food that is killing you. We eat it because it feels good. This is the perfect example of an addiction, bringing harm to oneself as a result of getting that “high”. Of course, one could argue its all about moderation. That it isn’t an addiction if you’re eating moderately and not becoming overweight. This is true but how many people actually eat in moderation? If 2/3 of America could be considered overweight it is not many. http://www.surgeongeneral.gov/news/testimony/obesity07162003.htm
Now, how is an Addictive Personality directly related to the drive to become successful in our society? Addiction to ones career. The article pointed out a very interesting fact that doctors have the highest rate of opiate addiction in any group. Doctors are perfect examples of what I mean. Would you not say our society says being a doctor means you are successful? Just think how blindly dedicated a person has to be to become a doctor. The amount of pain and sacrifice they have to go through. The amount of stress they experience to obtain their standing in life, and we all know how harmful to the body stress is. The pressure they put on both themselves and their loved ones. Why would anyone go through such an ordeal? Perhaps for the “high”? That “high” feeling of accomplishment? The “high” you get from knowing you helped someone? Maybe even the “high” you get from your monetary standing compared to others? I am not a doctor, but I am pretty sure you don’t go through all that pain and anguish for no reason. They do it because something about it makes them feel good and it’s enough of a “high” feeling to keep them coming back. Is this not an addiction? How much different is this compared to other “highly successful” people. How many families are destroyed because a father or mother never sees their family because they are “addicted” to the job? I don’t have any statistics to back this up, but I would guess there are vastly greater numbers of people addict to their jobs compared to drugs.
Now, I would even go as far as to say that if you picked a random person off the street you would find out they are “addicted” to something. Think about yourself. Is their not something you do almost everyday that could be considered harmful to either yourself or your family? Doing something that causes too much stress, eating too many calories, spending too much time on the computer instead of paying attention to your kids. So what I am saying is this: there is no such thing as an Addictive Personality. We all have our addictions, some might have gotten into more serious ones, but we all still have them. Good or bad if most of the population has something it is not a disorder. Saying a human has an Addictive Personality is like diagnosing a dog with OCD because it can’t help chasing a ball. It just doesn’t make sense. Having an Addictive Personality is part of the human experience.
Thank you for reading. Tell a friend.
I have tried to enable showing comments directly under my posts. Some people are posting very insightful opinions that I hope all will read.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
An Argument for Public Schools.
Signs of a Super Dad: A super dad does not bark often, but when he does EVERYONE stops what they are doing.
You always hear how the U.S. public school system is falling apart. Cliques and bullies, destroy our children’s self-esteem. Schools are overrun with gangs, drugs, and violence. Teachers aren’t paid enough. Classrooms are over crowded. Meningitis, Staph infections, and a host of all other kinds of disgusting diseases infecting students. Oh, and let’s not forget teachers having sex with their students. Are you scared yet? It isn’t surprising both the NCES and NHERI stated between the years 2003 and 2006 the number of homeschooled children has more then doubled. (I would post a link supporting that fact but I don’t feel like it. So just Google it.) Yes, many of those things happen. I was in high school when the first “suburban” school shootings started. The prospect of placing children into such a volatile situation as the public school system seems terrifying. Am I sensationalizing just like the evening news for ratings? Yes, but my point is this: Are the problems with public schools any different then adult life?
Students in public schools are from all walks of life. Many schools have different races, different social classes, different religions, different everything. It is easy to see how conflict would arise because of so much diversity. Public school is a scary place, but so is life. If you take your children out of public schools because you fear what “might” happen you are setting them up for failure. Sooner or later your kids will be introduced to the “evil” side of life. You cannot keep them away from it forever. Your children need to learn how to deal with complex issues that they are faced with in the public school system. It is not all about book learning, it is about socializing. It is about teaching your children how to deal with a bully, or cliques, or drugs. They need to learn how to interact with someone who thinks differently then them. This is how it will be when they are an adult.
We have to interact with people form different walks of life every day. The same problems that plague public schools do not suddenly disappear when children reach adulthood. If you try and keep your child inside a bubble sooner or later it will pop. By introducing them to the troubles and tribulations in public schools you still have time to teach them properly, instead of isolating them just to bombard them later. Now, I am not saying public schools are perfect, or that they don’t need a lot of work. I am just saying there is more to these “problems”. That these “evils” that go on can be used as teaching tools. Your children sooner or later will be introduced to them anyways. I would rather have them introduced while I still have some ability to teach them how to deal with it.
Naturally you can conclude what my view is on private schools and home schooling. I live blocks from one of the highest rated private schools in the country; I will not send my children there even if I had the money. If I had a doctorate in children’s education and 20 years experience as a school teacher I would never homeschool my children. Children don’t stay isolated for their entire lives. Sooner or later they are subjected first hand to various “evils” in the world. It is my job to teach my children how to deal with those “evils”. The public school system is a testing ground for how I am doing. Hopefully, it will tell me how I am doing before it is too late.
You always hear how the U.S. public school system is falling apart. Cliques and bullies, destroy our children’s self-esteem. Schools are overrun with gangs, drugs, and violence. Teachers aren’t paid enough. Classrooms are over crowded. Meningitis, Staph infections, and a host of all other kinds of disgusting diseases infecting students. Oh, and let’s not forget teachers having sex with their students. Are you scared yet? It isn’t surprising both the NCES and NHERI stated between the years 2003 and 2006 the number of homeschooled children has more then doubled. (I would post a link supporting that fact but I don’t feel like it. So just Google it.) Yes, many of those things happen. I was in high school when the first “suburban” school shootings started. The prospect of placing children into such a volatile situation as the public school system seems terrifying. Am I sensationalizing just like the evening news for ratings? Yes, but my point is this: Are the problems with public schools any different then adult life?
Students in public schools are from all walks of life. Many schools have different races, different social classes, different religions, different everything. It is easy to see how conflict would arise because of so much diversity. Public school is a scary place, but so is life. If you take your children out of public schools because you fear what “might” happen you are setting them up for failure. Sooner or later your kids will be introduced to the “evil” side of life. You cannot keep them away from it forever. Your children need to learn how to deal with complex issues that they are faced with in the public school system. It is not all about book learning, it is about socializing. It is about teaching your children how to deal with a bully, or cliques, or drugs. They need to learn how to interact with someone who thinks differently then them. This is how it will be when they are an adult.
We have to interact with people form different walks of life every day. The same problems that plague public schools do not suddenly disappear when children reach adulthood. If you try and keep your child inside a bubble sooner or later it will pop. By introducing them to the troubles and tribulations in public schools you still have time to teach them properly, instead of isolating them just to bombard them later. Now, I am not saying public schools are perfect, or that they don’t need a lot of work. I am just saying there is more to these “problems”. That these “evils” that go on can be used as teaching tools. Your children sooner or later will be introduced to them anyways. I would rather have them introduced while I still have some ability to teach them how to deal with it.
Naturally you can conclude what my view is on private schools and home schooling. I live blocks from one of the highest rated private schools in the country; I will not send my children there even if I had the money. If I had a doctorate in children’s education and 20 years experience as a school teacher I would never homeschool my children. Children don’t stay isolated for their entire lives. Sooner or later they are subjected first hand to various “evils” in the world. It is my job to teach my children how to deal with those “evils”. The public school system is a testing ground for how I am doing. Hopefully, it will tell me how I am doing before it is too late.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Epidemic of Fat
Signs of a Super Dad: A super dad knows the difference between a 4-3, 3-4, Nickel and Dime. The strengths and weaknesses of both the Zone Blitz and the Tampa 2. How to French Braid, name every Thomas Train on sight, and bake a mean pie.
I am not going to pretend I can do everything and be everywhere. Even a Super Dad has his limits. As my children grow older, I will have to start making choices. One of these important choices is how to handle after school activities. I will do everything in my power to “softly nudge” my children to play organized sport. Throughout grade school and high school I played organized sports. Sometimes I loved it, sometimes I hated it, but I didn’t really realize its importance till college. Like much of our lethargic society, I stopped all type of sports activity a couple years after high school. It didn’t take long till I was 70 pounds overweight and, in my view, morbidly obese. I wish I had kept physical activity as a daily routine that organized sports forced upon me. It took me 2 years till I could see my abs again. Now, I try to keep my body in decent physical shape by running, lifting, and playing Volleyball. My goal is to be in the best physical shape of my life. Not only for the health benefits and my wife liking it, I wish to be an example to my children.
Children should play organized sports because it gives them a daily routine of physical activity. Our society is too stationary. We have an epidemic of fat that is suffocating our population. Organized sports does not necessarily mean the staple sports people usually think of, Basketball, Baseball, Football, but even things like Kung Fu, marching band, anything that includes daily practice with physical activity. Hopefully by both being a good example and being involved with whatever sport they choose to play will help them further enjoy physical activity. That training and playing for a sport is both fun and something to be proud of.
Now, there is a stereotypical view of the “overly involved” dad. Everyone has seen the guy at a 4rth grade basketball game screaming at the refs because they made a call he didn’t agree with. This is not a Super Dad. This guy is an idiot. Reliving past failures through your children is both irresponsible and hurtful. A father needs to be a positive role model for their children. Screaming at your 9 year-old for missing a pop-up is the opposite of being a positive role model. Not only is this person embarrassing himself and his family, he is teaching his kids to be stressed out and hate something they should be doing all of their life. Don’t do it. This also leads into my next point.
There are draw backs to organized sports, specifically, the terrible coach. Organize sports should be about teaching kids good physical fitness habits, improving yourself through hard work, and working as a team. Not, winning at all costs. Coaches should teach, not worry about winning. I have experienced far too many piss pour coaches. This goes back to my post last week, a coach, like a parent, who constantly makes fun of their kids is doing harm, no matter what his record is. This is so incredibly obvious, right? And I cannot fathom why I keep seeing coaches of little kids who are screaming and insulting their kids. It’s ridiculous! It is easy for me to write it now, but it is my duty as a Super Dad to immediately yank my child out of anything he/she is participating in if I witness this. I just hope I have the strength at the time to act on it.
Pour coaching is atrociously bad at the high school level. Just because the kids are bigger means you can insult them? It makes me sick. Unfortunately, life is not fair, and more then likely when my children reach high school they will experience a terrible coach. I just hope I have given them the proper tools to deal with this crap. I would be monumentally proud if my child told a coach go “shove it”, but the sad fact is they might have a boss very similar to this one day. That this is a test drive to properly handle the situation and not ME trying to get back at past demons.
Thanks for reading. Tell a friend.
I am not going to pretend I can do everything and be everywhere. Even a Super Dad has his limits. As my children grow older, I will have to start making choices. One of these important choices is how to handle after school activities. I will do everything in my power to “softly nudge” my children to play organized sport. Throughout grade school and high school I played organized sports. Sometimes I loved it, sometimes I hated it, but I didn’t really realize its importance till college. Like much of our lethargic society, I stopped all type of sports activity a couple years after high school. It didn’t take long till I was 70 pounds overweight and, in my view, morbidly obese. I wish I had kept physical activity as a daily routine that organized sports forced upon me. It took me 2 years till I could see my abs again. Now, I try to keep my body in decent physical shape by running, lifting, and playing Volleyball. My goal is to be in the best physical shape of my life. Not only for the health benefits and my wife liking it, I wish to be an example to my children.
Children should play organized sports because it gives them a daily routine of physical activity. Our society is too stationary. We have an epidemic of fat that is suffocating our population. Organized sports does not necessarily mean the staple sports people usually think of, Basketball, Baseball, Football, but even things like Kung Fu, marching band, anything that includes daily practice with physical activity. Hopefully by both being a good example and being involved with whatever sport they choose to play will help them further enjoy physical activity. That training and playing for a sport is both fun and something to be proud of.
Now, there is a stereotypical view of the “overly involved” dad. Everyone has seen the guy at a 4rth grade basketball game screaming at the refs because they made a call he didn’t agree with. This is not a Super Dad. This guy is an idiot. Reliving past failures through your children is both irresponsible and hurtful. A father needs to be a positive role model for their children. Screaming at your 9 year-old for missing a pop-up is the opposite of being a positive role model. Not only is this person embarrassing himself and his family, he is teaching his kids to be stressed out and hate something they should be doing all of their life. Don’t do it. This also leads into my next point.
There are draw backs to organized sports, specifically, the terrible coach. Organize sports should be about teaching kids good physical fitness habits, improving yourself through hard work, and working as a team. Not, winning at all costs. Coaches should teach, not worry about winning. I have experienced far too many piss pour coaches. This goes back to my post last week, a coach, like a parent, who constantly makes fun of their kids is doing harm, no matter what his record is. This is so incredibly obvious, right? And I cannot fathom why I keep seeing coaches of little kids who are screaming and insulting their kids. It’s ridiculous! It is easy for me to write it now, but it is my duty as a Super Dad to immediately yank my child out of anything he/she is participating in if I witness this. I just hope I have the strength at the time to act on it.
Pour coaching is atrociously bad at the high school level. Just because the kids are bigger means you can insult them? It makes me sick. Unfortunately, life is not fair, and more then likely when my children reach high school they will experience a terrible coach. I just hope I have given them the proper tools to deal with this crap. I would be monumentally proud if my child told a coach go “shove it”, but the sad fact is they might have a boss very similar to this one day. That this is a test drive to properly handle the situation and not ME trying to get back at past demons.
Thanks for reading. Tell a friend.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
A gift for my children.
I am going to start off each post from now on with steps to becoming a Super Dad.
Signs of a Super Dad:
Super Dads can navigate any stroller in any terrain using one hand.
If you had one gift, only one gift, that you could give to your offspring what would it be? It is a pretty difficult question. Happiness? Intelligence? Always loved? One gift you knew for sure they would learn or acquire from you. I don’t even have to think about it. Self esteem. Pure and simple. When I look back at my life, I will know I have succeeded as a parent if all my children have healthy, strong self-esteem. To me nothing is more important.
I believe most of our societal problems are either directly or indirectly related to self-esteem. Before I go any further, I just want to make a distinct difference between high self-esteem and being arrogant. There is a simple way to distinguish the two. The arrogant person enjoys hearing themselves talk. The person with high self-esteem enjoys listening. Let me explain further, a person with high self-esteem does not need to talk themselves up or talk about the great things they have done. They did them, they were there, they don’t need to brag or keep themselves the center of attention. They know they are a good person and don’t need to feed off of others approval. Now, let me also point out I have never met someone who have reached the self-esteem “Nirvana”. That place where you never doubt or feel down on yourself. Quite frankly, I don’t believe such a person ever existed. A person with high self-esteem may doubt themselves every now an again, that’s just natural, but they don’t dwell and they quickly recover to their normal high self-esteem selves. So why is self-esteem so important?
I am not going to waste my time and yours reciting the research on the connection between low self-esteem and depression, eating disorders, anxiety disorder etc, etc. It is an obvious connection and a simple Google search will verify that. I am not saying low self-esteem is the cause of all these disorders. What I am saying is building my children’s high self-esteem will significantly reduce the chances of them getting many of these disorders.
I would also argue high self-esteem is more important then say, intelligence. Let me give you a simple example. Let us say child one has an exceptionally high IQ, studies very hard, and invents a flying car. He becomes filthy rich and famous but has an atrocious self image. Child two never did very well in school, isn’t what we would consider as intelligent, and for her entire life worked as the manager of a local gas station. She likes who she for what she is. She has very high self-esteem and has no problem with her lot in life. Now, especially in America, many people would say that child one is better off. That ones monetary gains and stature in life equates into a successful life. But, I would be prouder of child two because they are confident with themselves. They are happy with whom they are and that’s all I want. If my child likes who they are it doesn’t matter what they do.
(But, let us not be ridiculous here. On a strictly selfish reason, child one can be, sometimes, tempting. The idea of my child buying me this
www.mustangheaven.com/stangspecs/2008/2008ShelbyGT500KR.htm
in black with red trim, and don’t forget the fog lights, is extremely appealing. But, that’s that American devil talking. Oh and Christmas IS coming up if anyone needed a suggestion)
So, two examples out of many, many more I can come up with. Of course the obvious next question is how does a Super Dad accomplish this magnificent feat of Dadhoodom? Feck, I don’t know. Really, I can only speculate, and if this blog is around 30 years from now we will know if I am correct or not. First of all I will do what my parents did. I would admit to having a pretty good Self-esteem. Not as good as I would like, but even Super Dads aren’t perfect. I attribute this to how my parents raised me. When I was young, I cannot think of a time my parents ever made fun of me, or even mocked me in anyway. I think this is a huge factor, especially to young kids, on how they develop self-esteem. Mocking your children to their face, even if you think its harmless ribbing, is trying to make yourself feel better at their expense. Nothing productive comes from it. So, think a little before you make that seemingly harmless comment. If you are constantly putting them down how will they learn not to do it themselves? Another thing my parents did was tell me they loved me to such a degree it was annoying. They still do! I will also. Telling your child you love them over and over to a ridiculous extend is building your child’s self-esteem, plain and simple. They learn from your example. Every time you tell your child you love them is another brick on their self-esteem foundation.
Now, I will only compliment my children on something they did correctly. I don’t like telling kids their great even when they fail. When they fail they should know it and be taught how to do it right. Over complimenting for failure is setting up children for failure in the real world. Your children aren’t perfect and I/you need to realize that. They have to learn how to work for something. Working through failures to achieve a goal is a great way to build self-esteem. A child learns that by working hard they improve themselves and should take pride in that. This is something I never really understood as a kid. I hope I can relate this to my children.
To close, I truly hope I have the ability to build my children’s self esteem house. I hope it is sturdy when the winds of anger and turmoil come. That the roof does not leak with the pounding rain of the blues. That the foundation is strong so it does not collapse under stress. That it stays cool and a place of refuge when the suffocating heats of life’s problems arrive. That the house is the most envied on the block and something all would strive for when looked upon.
Thank You for reading.
Signs of a Super Dad:
Super Dads can navigate any stroller in any terrain using one hand.
If you had one gift, only one gift, that you could give to your offspring what would it be? It is a pretty difficult question. Happiness? Intelligence? Always loved? One gift you knew for sure they would learn or acquire from you. I don’t even have to think about it. Self esteem. Pure and simple. When I look back at my life, I will know I have succeeded as a parent if all my children have healthy, strong self-esteem. To me nothing is more important.
I believe most of our societal problems are either directly or indirectly related to self-esteem. Before I go any further, I just want to make a distinct difference between high self-esteem and being arrogant. There is a simple way to distinguish the two. The arrogant person enjoys hearing themselves talk. The person with high self-esteem enjoys listening. Let me explain further, a person with high self-esteem does not need to talk themselves up or talk about the great things they have done. They did them, they were there, they don’t need to brag or keep themselves the center of attention. They know they are a good person and don’t need to feed off of others approval. Now, let me also point out I have never met someone who have reached the self-esteem “Nirvana”. That place where you never doubt or feel down on yourself. Quite frankly, I don’t believe such a person ever existed. A person with high self-esteem may doubt themselves every now an again, that’s just natural, but they don’t dwell and they quickly recover to their normal high self-esteem selves. So why is self-esteem so important?
I am not going to waste my time and yours reciting the research on the connection between low self-esteem and depression, eating disorders, anxiety disorder etc, etc. It is an obvious connection and a simple Google search will verify that. I am not saying low self-esteem is the cause of all these disorders. What I am saying is building my children’s high self-esteem will significantly reduce the chances of them getting many of these disorders.
I would also argue high self-esteem is more important then say, intelligence. Let me give you a simple example. Let us say child one has an exceptionally high IQ, studies very hard, and invents a flying car. He becomes filthy rich and famous but has an atrocious self image. Child two never did very well in school, isn’t what we would consider as intelligent, and for her entire life worked as the manager of a local gas station. She likes who she for what she is. She has very high self-esteem and has no problem with her lot in life. Now, especially in America, many people would say that child one is better off. That ones monetary gains and stature in life equates into a successful life. But, I would be prouder of child two because they are confident with themselves. They are happy with whom they are and that’s all I want. If my child likes who they are it doesn’t matter what they do.
(But, let us not be ridiculous here. On a strictly selfish reason, child one can be, sometimes, tempting. The idea of my child buying me this
www.mustangheaven.com/stangspecs/2008/2008ShelbyGT500KR.htm
in black with red trim, and don’t forget the fog lights, is extremely appealing. But, that’s that American devil talking. Oh and Christmas IS coming up if anyone needed a suggestion)
So, two examples out of many, many more I can come up with. Of course the obvious next question is how does a Super Dad accomplish this magnificent feat of Dadhoodom? Feck, I don’t know. Really, I can only speculate, and if this blog is around 30 years from now we will know if I am correct or not. First of all I will do what my parents did. I would admit to having a pretty good Self-esteem. Not as good as I would like, but even Super Dads aren’t perfect. I attribute this to how my parents raised me. When I was young, I cannot think of a time my parents ever made fun of me, or even mocked me in anyway. I think this is a huge factor, especially to young kids, on how they develop self-esteem. Mocking your children to their face, even if you think its harmless ribbing, is trying to make yourself feel better at their expense. Nothing productive comes from it. So, think a little before you make that seemingly harmless comment. If you are constantly putting them down how will they learn not to do it themselves? Another thing my parents did was tell me they loved me to such a degree it was annoying. They still do! I will also. Telling your child you love them over and over to a ridiculous extend is building your child’s self-esteem, plain and simple. They learn from your example. Every time you tell your child you love them is another brick on their self-esteem foundation.
Now, I will only compliment my children on something they did correctly. I don’t like telling kids their great even when they fail. When they fail they should know it and be taught how to do it right. Over complimenting for failure is setting up children for failure in the real world. Your children aren’t perfect and I/you need to realize that. They have to learn how to work for something. Working through failures to achieve a goal is a great way to build self-esteem. A child learns that by working hard they improve themselves and should take pride in that. This is something I never really understood as a kid. I hope I can relate this to my children.
To close, I truly hope I have the ability to build my children’s self esteem house. I hope it is sturdy when the winds of anger and turmoil come. That the roof does not leak with the pounding rain of the blues. That the foundation is strong so it does not collapse under stress. That it stays cool and a place of refuge when the suffocating heats of life’s problems arrive. That the house is the most envied on the block and something all would strive for when looked upon.
Thank You for reading.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Hope.
I am trying to post every Monday or Tuesday. This is one is late because I sprained my back playing volleyball and haven’t been able to sit at the computer for 2 days. So I am being a trooper and toughing it out for your enjoyment.
I was going to write about how big of a hypocrite I can be. Last week I ranted on how I hate strangers touching my kids and I go and let some lady at the park feed my kids some Cheerios. I figured what the heck she is feeding them to her own kid so they can’t have poison in them. Also, “Super Dad’s” cannot give up free food. But, the election moved me such that I feel compelled to write about it.
I am not qualified to pick a president, and I consider myself a little more intelligent then most people. I know little to nothing about economic policy, how to properly end the war in Iraq and Afghanistan, or how to keep our country out of the next Great Depression. I have no idea what it takes to run a country. I could express my opinions on what I think needs to be done and they would sound pretty darn intelligent, but honestly I could never really do it. And really if you think about it, 95% of the residences in this country are not qualified to be president. Just take a trip to a Wal-Mart or listen to the morning news as all the proof you need. Ask yourself, do you know what the president does all day? Most of America does not have the education, background, or experience to run a country, so how would they know how to choose someone to do it for them? The American people vote for the people who are most like themselves. They want a person who will look out for their needs, wants, and morals. They want the best summarization of everything they stand for even if it is not the best thing for the country.
For instance I am going to share two reasons I voted the way I did. I choose these two reasons because I feel many people would probably disagree with them. This is how I feel and I would guess a good portion of others feel the same, but many people do not. First, I voted for Obama because he is black. I feel the African American community is lacking in proper role models. That America is ever moving towards a more diversified populace and Obama is a better representation of this country. I have a very negative view of this country because I believe many people hold very discriminatory views. I have grown up witnessing a great deal of racism so I can only picture most of America is similar. If Obama gets elected, my view of this country will greatly improve. It will give me faith that the majority can look beyond race and this leads me to my second point. Two, I voted Democratic because of homosexuals. The open hatred and bigotry towards homosexuals in this world is sickening. You see it everywhere, on the TV, radio, and even with our children calling each other “Fags”. I even grew up saying things like, “That’s so gay,” or “You’re a fag”. It disgusts me I acted so. Denying people the basic right to marry the person they love is barbaric. This is one subject I am very emotional about and I probably wouldn’t be this way if it wasn’t for two of my very good friends. These two people watch my kids. When I get a chance to go out (which all of you know is difficult at best being a “Super Dad”) I call them first. I want them to get the chance to experience what I have marrying my wife. The enjoyment of a wedding, honeymoon, raising kids, and everything else that comes with marriage. I could go on for pages at the ridiculousness of telling someone else who they can and cannot love, but that is not the point here. The point is I think these two views are important in a President; a lot of people would disagree. Whose right? Your personal views aside, what’s the best for this country? I think I am right, am I? Do you want me picking someone for President with these ideals?
As our system works now we are spoon fed what a certain candidate represents. The candidates hope they can appeal to the greatest number of people in a very diverse society. The candidates portray themselves in a certain light that gets the most votes. The two parties argue and tear each other down. They make the most annoying political commercials to scare people into picking them. They waste millions of dollars just to convince people they are the most qualified person, even if they really are not. You would have to say, "There has to be a different way to do this!" There has to be a way to figure out the “best” person to run this country. The thing is I don’t think there is a better way to do it. I had an idea about bringing the greatest minds in our country together to make a computer simulation that would test every person in America. The person with the highest grade would be the perfect President. That this person would then be groomed by a special school for years before they became president. That after twenty years of grooming they should be able to handle anything. Then the question is asked, “Who are the greatest minds?” “How do we decide on that?” “What’s the best thing to teach?” It pretty much breaks down again to arguing and campaigning, and quite frankly I feel every other idea would break down similarly. So even though the political commercials drive you nuts, and we always hear about corruption, and or leaders making idiotic decisions, the system we have is the best we got. That we can only hope that the effort a candidate puts into moving up his/her party ranks make them qualified to run this country. That the candidate jumping through hoops and impressing enough smart people has given them the required experience. That the judgment of picking the right people for their campaign that wins an election is comparable to picking the correct people to help run this country.
As a side note, I feel compelled to share my personal views of last night’s election. I watched the election coverage for almost 3 hours. Once they announced my home state of Pennsylvania going to Obama I knew it was over. Throughout the evening, I was brought to tears three times. (I hadn’t done something like that since a House episode 3 or 4 years ago, which was about a baby dying. Yes, all “Super Dads” can have a heart.) Twice because of seeing elderly African Americans crying so hard they could not speak into a microphone and once during Obama’s speech. Disgusted, cynical, fed up are just some of my feelings towards my country in the last couple of years. (I am a child of generation X. I guess it’s in my birth right.) I truly felt anger and hate ran so deep in our population that we were in serious trouble. So much hate against Muslims and Homosexuals just a name a view that I had pretty much given up hope in our government. For the second time in my life I have witnessed something so special it has completely changed my view of this country. This is a great country. My hate runs deep but now does my hope and my pride. What happen last night does not solve the racism, or hate, and Obama might not even be the right choice for this country, but that enough people could look past his race to vote for him is so heart warming it has given me hope. It is such a significant step toward equal treatment for “all” that I am elated I was alive to witness it.
Thanks for reading.
I was going to write about how big of a hypocrite I can be. Last week I ranted on how I hate strangers touching my kids and I go and let some lady at the park feed my kids some Cheerios. I figured what the heck she is feeding them to her own kid so they can’t have poison in them. Also, “Super Dad’s” cannot give up free food. But, the election moved me such that I feel compelled to write about it.
I am not qualified to pick a president, and I consider myself a little more intelligent then most people. I know little to nothing about economic policy, how to properly end the war in Iraq and Afghanistan, or how to keep our country out of the next Great Depression. I have no idea what it takes to run a country. I could express my opinions on what I think needs to be done and they would sound pretty darn intelligent, but honestly I could never really do it. And really if you think about it, 95% of the residences in this country are not qualified to be president. Just take a trip to a Wal-Mart or listen to the morning news as all the proof you need. Ask yourself, do you know what the president does all day? Most of America does not have the education, background, or experience to run a country, so how would they know how to choose someone to do it for them? The American people vote for the people who are most like themselves. They want a person who will look out for their needs, wants, and morals. They want the best summarization of everything they stand for even if it is not the best thing for the country.
For instance I am going to share two reasons I voted the way I did. I choose these two reasons because I feel many people would probably disagree with them. This is how I feel and I would guess a good portion of others feel the same, but many people do not. First, I voted for Obama because he is black. I feel the African American community is lacking in proper role models. That America is ever moving towards a more diversified populace and Obama is a better representation of this country. I have a very negative view of this country because I believe many people hold very discriminatory views. I have grown up witnessing a great deal of racism so I can only picture most of America is similar. If Obama gets elected, my view of this country will greatly improve. It will give me faith that the majority can look beyond race and this leads me to my second point. Two, I voted Democratic because of homosexuals. The open hatred and bigotry towards homosexuals in this world is sickening. You see it everywhere, on the TV, radio, and even with our children calling each other “Fags”. I even grew up saying things like, “That’s so gay,” or “You’re a fag”. It disgusts me I acted so. Denying people the basic right to marry the person they love is barbaric. This is one subject I am very emotional about and I probably wouldn’t be this way if it wasn’t for two of my very good friends. These two people watch my kids. When I get a chance to go out (which all of you know is difficult at best being a “Super Dad”) I call them first. I want them to get the chance to experience what I have marrying my wife. The enjoyment of a wedding, honeymoon, raising kids, and everything else that comes with marriage. I could go on for pages at the ridiculousness of telling someone else who they can and cannot love, but that is not the point here. The point is I think these two views are important in a President; a lot of people would disagree. Whose right? Your personal views aside, what’s the best for this country? I think I am right, am I? Do you want me picking someone for President with these ideals?
As our system works now we are spoon fed what a certain candidate represents. The candidates hope they can appeal to the greatest number of people in a very diverse society. The candidates portray themselves in a certain light that gets the most votes. The two parties argue and tear each other down. They make the most annoying political commercials to scare people into picking them. They waste millions of dollars just to convince people they are the most qualified person, even if they really are not. You would have to say, "There has to be a different way to do this!" There has to be a way to figure out the “best” person to run this country. The thing is I don’t think there is a better way to do it. I had an idea about bringing the greatest minds in our country together to make a computer simulation that would test every person in America. The person with the highest grade would be the perfect President. That this person would then be groomed by a special school for years before they became president. That after twenty years of grooming they should be able to handle anything. Then the question is asked, “Who are the greatest minds?” “How do we decide on that?” “What’s the best thing to teach?” It pretty much breaks down again to arguing and campaigning, and quite frankly I feel every other idea would break down similarly. So even though the political commercials drive you nuts, and we always hear about corruption, and or leaders making idiotic decisions, the system we have is the best we got. That we can only hope that the effort a candidate puts into moving up his/her party ranks make them qualified to run this country. That the candidate jumping through hoops and impressing enough smart people has given them the required experience. That the judgment of picking the right people for their campaign that wins an election is comparable to picking the correct people to help run this country.
As a side note, I feel compelled to share my personal views of last night’s election. I watched the election coverage for almost 3 hours. Once they announced my home state of Pennsylvania going to Obama I knew it was over. Throughout the evening, I was brought to tears three times. (I hadn’t done something like that since a House episode 3 or 4 years ago, which was about a baby dying. Yes, all “Super Dads” can have a heart.) Twice because of seeing elderly African Americans crying so hard they could not speak into a microphone and once during Obama’s speech. Disgusted, cynical, fed up are just some of my feelings towards my country in the last couple of years. (I am a child of generation X. I guess it’s in my birth right.) I truly felt anger and hate ran so deep in our population that we were in serious trouble. So much hate against Muslims and Homosexuals just a name a view that I had pretty much given up hope in our government. For the second time in my life I have witnessed something so special it has completely changed my view of this country. This is a great country. My hate runs deep but now does my hope and my pride. What happen last night does not solve the racism, or hate, and Obama might not even be the right choice for this country, but that enough people could look past his race to vote for him is so heart warming it has given me hope. It is such a significant step toward equal treatment for “all” that I am elated I was alive to witness it.
Thanks for reading.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Don't Touch My Kid!
Today I sit writing, pausing to blow snot out of my nose. Yep, I have a cold. Which means my kids will get it. The baby already does. By the time we get over it my two year old will just be getting started. This leads to a month long cycle of passing the snot ball around. I am thinking about licking my kids face so we can get this over sooner. Now, when I used to have a job getting sick usually meant getting a day off watching bad soap operas. But not now! Now, getting sick means a day of lying on the floor having your kid jump up and down on you. You’ve got about 2 hours till he gets bored watching TV. 2 hours till he begins begging, pleading, and crying till you play with him, which is honestly the last thing you want to do because your body wishes to hibernate. So, being the super dad I am, I am gutting it out and finishing this post, which, by the way is all about kids this time.
Being a stay at home father is an interesting experience in gender norms and societal roles. I understand that our society is trying to become more PC and being a stay at home dad isn’t as odd as it would have been if it was my father. But, let’s face it, it not the normal thing and most people are a little fascinated. The reaction I get from telling people I am a stay at home father is mostly positive. From the women it’s mostly, “Ahhh, that’s nice,” with an occasional “It ain’t that easy is it?” The men tell me either they are jealous and wish they could stay home from work (this coming is from the guys who don’t have kids or have never spent 3 to 4 consistent days alone with their own) or the men who have an idea what its like and tell me, “Wow, that would drive me insane.” Well, the baby just got up so I must take a break and go feed her…
I will try to yank this post back on track. Needless to say there are many interesting….Oh, the two year old is climbing on the table…
Alright, well now he is chasing the cat…
Yeah, I have no idea how I get things finished. *sighs* phone. Well great, now the wife is getting sick.
Where was I? Oh yes. So every now and again I will get that ignorant comment that my balls have been cut off, like some drunken buffoon at a party who suggested that happened to all those men who wear baby front carries. You also surprisingly get a lot of completely condescending remarks. Well they might not be really condescending remarks because most people don’t even realize they are doing it, but I sure don’t let them get past me! If I know you and you tell me I am doing a great job at taking care of my kids that’s a compliment and I thank you. If you’re some strange woman at the book store who tells my child he “did a real good job” keeping it together at story time, thanks, that’s nice. But to then turn to me and tell me I did a great job, too? No thanks, that’s fricken condescending. I don’t need you telling me I am doing a good job when I got two screeching children at my side. The only reason you’re telling me this is because I happen to be the ONLY man in the entire building, including the employees. Look, I understand that she is just trying to be nice and, again, I have minor anger issues, but my whole point is, would she had said something if I was a woman? Did she say anything to the woman right next to me with similar aged children who just so happened to also be screaming their heads off? No. So, treat me like the rest of the women in the store and ignore me. This brings me to the title of my post:
Don’t touch my kid.
Do I need to repeat it?
DON’T TOUCH MY KID!
Now, if you’re family or friends, go right ahead. Touch my kids all you want. Well, to a degree of course. But if I don’t know you, and unless death or serious injury is involved to either my child or someone else, don’t touch them. There are few, ok many, things that irritated me, but the list of things that will get me angry enough to actually show it is very short. For instance: The Steelers losing (Uggg…they should have won that game against the Giants!! If they could have just stopped tripping over themselves!!). Another HUGE one is a stranger touching my kids. And you know what? I don’t feel bad getting angry over this. This is a natural instinctual drive here. You don’t step between a mama bear and her cubs and you sure as hell don’t step between a Super Dad and his kids. Let me give you an example for those of you who might not understand.
A couple of months back I was at the park. Usually during the day I am the only adult male there, but this was a weekend and, you know what, forget it, that doesn’t matter. What matters is this; I am sitting on a bench with my infant on my knee. She is wearing a nice little sun dress with coordinated socks and matching sun hat, which I happened to pick out. She is a little fussy so I am bouncing her on my knee because she likes that. I turn my head to get a bead on my 2 year old. He enjoys throwing rocks into the garbage. Why? Cause he is two. The garbage can is relatively close to the stream. I know the exact distance my child can get to the stream before I have get up and start yelling at him. This imaginary line is the distance I can catch him at a dead sprint if he tries to leap into the stream. So, my head is turned and I am keeping a Super Dad eye on him. The infant starts to fuss a little harder, but my attention is still on the 2 year old. He retreats from said line so I turn back around to find some strange woman directly in my face. She proceeds to say something like, “Oh looky here, her bonnet is over her eyes,” and then starts adjusting her hat.
(Again I promised I wouldn’t swear in this blog so)
WHAT THE *@#$!!??
What are you doing!!??
I don’t promote violence in any sort of way. Well, except on the football field of course, and when spiking the volleyball on someone, but in our normal lives it is completely unnecessary. I will never strike my children and violence against not just women but EVERYONE is never needed. But on that day I wanted to slap that woman. I wanted to slap her right across the face. What faulty firing axon in your brain actually let you believe that’s ok? Is it because I am sitting here with my Slipknot T-shirt, my uncombed hair, and my male reproductive organs? Perhaps in her eyes I have it stapled on my forehead that I need help. Hey, thanks, I don’t need help, alright? Don’t touch my children! I don’t need your help. I like to think I’m pretty dang good at what I do. My two year-old is happy most of the time, he listens for the most part and is, quite frankly, a giant. So, I must be doing something right. Am I overreacting? I don’t think so. Not getting upset over something like this is going against nature. For those of you with kids, does it not make the skin peel off your skull when that random lady at the grocery store wearing bottle-cap glasses and reeking of cats reaches into the sanctity of your newborn’s stroller? Where have those hands been?! We are supposed to be wary of strangers. We have no idea where these people have been or what disgusting matter of deviancy they have covering their hands. I will never stop getting upset about strangers touching my children.
To close, I would like for all of you reading this to pass the word. Don’t touch other people’s children. Even if it’s a dad who has 4 kids and they are screaming and yelling and some desire to help kicks in, ignore it. If those kids aren’t about to seriously hurt themselves or anyone else just leave them alone. I know, I know, you might be just trying to help, but you’re not. So please don’t touch my kid.
Thanks again for reading. Please tell a friend and come back next week.
Being a stay at home father is an interesting experience in gender norms and societal roles. I understand that our society is trying to become more PC and being a stay at home dad isn’t as odd as it would have been if it was my father. But, let’s face it, it not the normal thing and most people are a little fascinated. The reaction I get from telling people I am a stay at home father is mostly positive. From the women it’s mostly, “Ahhh, that’s nice,” with an occasional “It ain’t that easy is it?” The men tell me either they are jealous and wish they could stay home from work (this coming is from the guys who don’t have kids or have never spent 3 to 4 consistent days alone with their own) or the men who have an idea what its like and tell me, “Wow, that would drive me insane.” Well, the baby just got up so I must take a break and go feed her…
I will try to yank this post back on track. Needless to say there are many interesting….Oh, the two year old is climbing on the table…
Alright, well now he is chasing the cat…
Yeah, I have no idea how I get things finished. *sighs* phone. Well great, now the wife is getting sick.
Where was I? Oh yes. So every now and again I will get that ignorant comment that my balls have been cut off, like some drunken buffoon at a party who suggested that happened to all those men who wear baby front carries. You also surprisingly get a lot of completely condescending remarks. Well they might not be really condescending remarks because most people don’t even realize they are doing it, but I sure don’t let them get past me! If I know you and you tell me I am doing a great job at taking care of my kids that’s a compliment and I thank you. If you’re some strange woman at the book store who tells my child he “did a real good job” keeping it together at story time, thanks, that’s nice. But to then turn to me and tell me I did a great job, too? No thanks, that’s fricken condescending. I don’t need you telling me I am doing a good job when I got two screeching children at my side. The only reason you’re telling me this is because I happen to be the ONLY man in the entire building, including the employees. Look, I understand that she is just trying to be nice and, again, I have minor anger issues, but my whole point is, would she had said something if I was a woman? Did she say anything to the woman right next to me with similar aged children who just so happened to also be screaming their heads off? No. So, treat me like the rest of the women in the store and ignore me. This brings me to the title of my post:
Don’t touch my kid.
Do I need to repeat it?
DON’T TOUCH MY KID!
Now, if you’re family or friends, go right ahead. Touch my kids all you want. Well, to a degree of course. But if I don’t know you, and unless death or serious injury is involved to either my child or someone else, don’t touch them. There are few, ok many, things that irritated me, but the list of things that will get me angry enough to actually show it is very short. For instance: The Steelers losing (Uggg…they should have won that game against the Giants!! If they could have just stopped tripping over themselves!!). Another HUGE one is a stranger touching my kids. And you know what? I don’t feel bad getting angry over this. This is a natural instinctual drive here. You don’t step between a mama bear and her cubs and you sure as hell don’t step between a Super Dad and his kids. Let me give you an example for those of you who might not understand.
A couple of months back I was at the park. Usually during the day I am the only adult male there, but this was a weekend and, you know what, forget it, that doesn’t matter. What matters is this; I am sitting on a bench with my infant on my knee. She is wearing a nice little sun dress with coordinated socks and matching sun hat, which I happened to pick out. She is a little fussy so I am bouncing her on my knee because she likes that. I turn my head to get a bead on my 2 year old. He enjoys throwing rocks into the garbage. Why? Cause he is two. The garbage can is relatively close to the stream. I know the exact distance my child can get to the stream before I have get up and start yelling at him. This imaginary line is the distance I can catch him at a dead sprint if he tries to leap into the stream. So, my head is turned and I am keeping a Super Dad eye on him. The infant starts to fuss a little harder, but my attention is still on the 2 year old. He retreats from said line so I turn back around to find some strange woman directly in my face. She proceeds to say something like, “Oh looky here, her bonnet is over her eyes,” and then starts adjusting her hat.
(Again I promised I wouldn’t swear in this blog so)
WHAT THE *@#$!!??
What are you doing!!??
I don’t promote violence in any sort of way. Well, except on the football field of course, and when spiking the volleyball on someone, but in our normal lives it is completely unnecessary. I will never strike my children and violence against not just women but EVERYONE is never needed. But on that day I wanted to slap that woman. I wanted to slap her right across the face. What faulty firing axon in your brain actually let you believe that’s ok? Is it because I am sitting here with my Slipknot T-shirt, my uncombed hair, and my male reproductive organs? Perhaps in her eyes I have it stapled on my forehead that I need help. Hey, thanks, I don’t need help, alright? Don’t touch my children! I don’t need your help. I like to think I’m pretty dang good at what I do. My two year-old is happy most of the time, he listens for the most part and is, quite frankly, a giant. So, I must be doing something right. Am I overreacting? I don’t think so. Not getting upset over something like this is going against nature. For those of you with kids, does it not make the skin peel off your skull when that random lady at the grocery store wearing bottle-cap glasses and reeking of cats reaches into the sanctity of your newborn’s stroller? Where have those hands been?! We are supposed to be wary of strangers. We have no idea where these people have been or what disgusting matter of deviancy they have covering their hands. I will never stop getting upset about strangers touching my children.
To close, I would like for all of you reading this to pass the word. Don’t touch other people’s children. Even if it’s a dad who has 4 kids and they are screaming and yelling and some desire to help kicks in, ignore it. If those kids aren’t about to seriously hurt themselves or anyone else just leave them alone. I know, I know, you might be just trying to help, but you’re not. So please don’t touch my kid.
Thanks again for reading. Please tell a friend and come back next week.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Laughing at myself till it becomes funny.
There is something very therapeutic about putting your personal feelings out to a bunch of strangers. You can pour out your thoughts on just about any subject without the worry of that agonizingly uncomfortable face-to-face moment. You know, that feeling you get the next time you see that friend after he had admitted, after a night’s worth of drinking, that he once had feelings for your wife. The next time you actually see him it’s never really the same again, just all awkward and sticky. Not actually knowing the people you speak or write to gives you that comfortable degree of separation that allows you to fully open up. Hmm…that would be a very good topic to post about, too. Perhaps I will. Anyway, this blog is for the few who can stomach taking a ride inside my mind. To hear the story about my little journey in life. Before we begin I should warn whoever thinks they are prepared for what is coming. First, I have come to the conclusion I am a naturally angry person. Not a “homicidal angry” or even a “Get drunk and beat up some frat kid angry”. No, I internalize. The “Boy, that pisses me off to no end! But I am not going to say anything” type of angry. I also have a very dry and a little off-kilter sense of humor. I find I am often the only one laughing at something in the room. Finally, I am intensely empathetic person who, at one time, could relate to just about anyone so strongly it has nearly destroyed me. What is this you ask?
That will have to be another post in itself. Now that that is over let us begin with post number one.
To start this thing off let me first say that I have written a book. It is good, so I am told. Well written and very interesting. Granted, all those who have told me are highly biased, friends family and such, but I will take compliments when they come. By the name of this blog you probably are wondering why I am not writing witty and quirky things about my children and pointing out the various ironic oddities of being a stay-at-home dad. Don’t fret, I will get to that. But right now I wish to tell you about the biggest project I have ever completed thus far in the thirty years I have been on this earth. Well, phase one of my project. Since I never figured I would get this far, I am pretty happy with myself. Well, was. You see, now I have started phase two of said project, which is publication of said book. Phase two is still very early. I have sent out 20 e-mail query letters to a variety of literary agents. I only used one source to get them all. The AgentQuery website or something like that. It’s only a start but within 2 hours I already got a “No”. A particularly ominous sign wouldn’t you say? It has been almost a month and only 40% actually took the time to e-mail me back. All “No”. I even got a personal e-mail from the president of some high tier literary agency who said maybe he is setting his standards too high but he just had too many clients at this time. I didn’t know if he was trying to tell me my query letter sucked or he actually thought about asking for more. Then I realized it began: Dear Author. Sooo…yeah, that hurt a little. I had really high hopes for an agent who just so happened to live down the street from me. He actually wrote an e-mail back saying it looked quite interesting, but no. He even put my name on top! I know I sound a “little” cynical and I know it’s just the beginning of a very long and tedious journey. But you know what? This sucks. This F’ing sucks a lot!
(As a side note: I am not going to swear in this blog. Why? Because I am thirty and dropping F-bombs and s-bombs is for when you’re a kid. If you have to constantly swear to emphasize your point you don’t have a good fucking point to start with. Maybe I will delve into more of that later.)
Do I sound angry? Frustrated? Perhaps, but not at the fact my first round of queries got zero. No, I am more mad at myself for getting so emotionally involved. When I started this whole project I promised myself I wouldn’t get all excited. That it was just something to as a creative outlet. That I could die knowing I wrote a book. How many people could actually say that? That I accomplished something creative that I could be proud of. That it was a fine hobby and that’s what it would always be, just a hobby. Buuuut, then people started reading it and they started liking it. So, naturally this got me a little excited, but I tried my hardiest to keep that in check. To keep telling myself that this is a very long project and the likelihood of someone with grammar skills on par with a chimpanzee and absolutely no writing experience actually getting published was realistically less then none. But of course in the back of my mind the little “what if” kept creeping up. The, “Hey man, you know what? You really got something special here. You could be DIFFERENT! You won’t find anyone who doesn’t like this book. You just might be onto something! You could be FRICKEN FAMOUS!!”
Then I started researching. Starting reading all the horror stories about it taking years and fricken years before you get published. That every single agent gets 8 billion queries in a single day. That your query letter is tossed into the garbage if you don’t even get the correct name or format right. That most of the time you don’t even get the courtesy of a return e-mail. Now that I think about it let me digress a tad. For those of you not in the “know”, a query letter is a short single page sent to prospective agents interested in the genre of your book. If they dig your idea they ask for a synopsis. Then, they MIGHT ask for some sample chapters. THEN, they MIGHT ask for your manuscript. Then they MIGHT pitch it to a publisher. The process is tedious and down right excruciating. I know, I know. I am whining. Again I am not angry at anyone or anything. Just angry that I let myself get so emotionally involved. But how can you not? I mean, really? What is more personal then putting your imagination out for the world to see? When someone reads your work they are, at that point in time, inside your head. No other medium can do that. If you are good at it you can make a reader see what you see, feel what you feel. It is both fantastic and horrifically frightening. The process of trying to get published is like having someone tell you your imagination isn’t good enough. That the hours I spent in the deepest dungeons of my mind, the place you lock up emotions so intense they have no name, trying to create something brilliant, was a waste. See how coming to terms with this is a little difficult? How, from my perspective, it is more then heart-breaking?
Yes, I realize there are hundreds, if not thousands of reasons why someone would not read my manuscript that have nothing to do with me or my ability to write. I am not in an agent’s shoes and have no idea what it’s like being them. That this ordeal is what all writers have to go through. Hey, you know what? Telling me that doesn’t help. How could it? I know that. I know I am not the first or the last who will flounder through this “bash your head against the wall” trip. In fact, thinking or being told that makes it worse. It just further emphasizes the point that I am nothing new and nothing special. A very negative way of thinking, wouldn’t you say? I warned you. But fear not, fellow readers. For I am dealing with this little issue the best way I know how. Quitting.
Quitting? Quit taking myself so seriously. That perhaps if I keep laughing at myself it will start being funny. When I started this blog entry, I stated writing to strangers is very therapeutic. (I told you I would get back to it) That not only do you negate the sticky face-to-face situations, you also get IT out of you. These feelings of rejection will pass. Perhaps I will get published perhaps I won’t, but soon I will reach a point where I understand that doesn’t matter. That writing is for me and anything else is just a byproduct.
Thank you for reading. My plan is to make this a weekly thing. Please come join me again.
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