Does it really mean that much to you?

Signs of a Super Dad: A super dad doesn’t drive like an idiot. He doesn’t drive at an unnecessary high rate of speed. He doesn’t tailgate. He doesn’t flash his high beams trying to get people out of the way. The super dad’s cargo is way too precious to be screwing around.

Before we begin let me warn you, this is going to be a little tirade I need to get off my chest. So if you don’t like whining stop reading now.

I play a lot of volleyball, about 3 times a week at 2 hours a pop. The reason I am bringing this up is because I need to rant about “that guy” (or girl. But, honestly I have never played with a woman who acted like this. I am sure they are out there but I just have never met one.) What “guy” you ask? The ultra competitive, win at all costs, jerk. The “guy” who plays like losing means one of his testicles is going to be torn off. The “guy” who openly cheats. And lastly, this “guy” is terrible. I mean god awful at whatever sport he is playing. This…drives…me…nuts! This ass ruins the game for everyone. Look, I am not saying there isn’t a time to be competitive. If we are playing in a league then yes, go right ahead and be a bit of a jag-off. I can understand that. But, when we are at the YMCA and playing with a bunch of old people don’t act like a jackass. Why must people behave like this?!

Everyone can be a little competitive, it is okay, but don’t start mocking people for playing poorly and play like this is the only thing you have in life. During the week, I play volleyball so I can get away from the house and kids. It is my 'me time'. I want to play, unwind, and chat with some of my buddies. I don’t want to listen to some idiot rant and rave. Not only does it annoy the hell out of me, it makes me play poorly, which in turn, makes me even angrier. Plus, this guy’s behavior is like an infection. It spreads to everyone playing and what you get is a bunch of adults acting like they are back in middle school. When a guy like this shows up all I want to do is smash a spike into his face knocking him unconscious. Instead of enjoying myself, I spend my time getting all worked up trying to shut this idiot up, which by the way, never happens. What does happen is I just get angry, not talk to anyone, and end up accidentally smashing a ball into some innocent woman’s face.

You know what else? This @#%$head is the reason people get seriously hurt. He is incredibly uncoordinated, 70lbs overweight, and throws his body around without any thought for others safety. I have torn my ankle to shreds because of being undercut at the net because of “This Guy!” I was out for a month! This happened TWICE! I have witnessed a man’s bone sticking out of his leg because some idiot just couldn’t tone it down.

Thankfully what normally happens is this guy pulls up lame after a horrible shot. Of course, he thinks that his ineptitude is directly related to an injury and not to total suckage. Then he announces his injury like we should be in awe. Is your self-esteem so pitifully low that you actually think that “pulling a hammy” makes you cool? Do you need this to supplement your life?

I am not saying don’t try, and I understand some people are very uncoordinated. I also think it is fantastic when someone is trying to get back into shape. What I am saying is don’t be a jerk. Look, if you're just naturally competitive person it’s fine to get fired up, but DO NOT mock people when they do poorly, coach people who don’t want it, and try to explain to people better then you how to play correctly. Keep your mouth shut unless it is something positive. The most enjoyment I get is playing with people who don’t care about the score. We are just hanging out, being supportive, and having fun. I also enjoy having intensely competitive league games. But you can’t mix the two. If you want to get all fired up join a league. Don’t come to a backyard game and play like it’s the Olympics.
/rant

Thanks for getting through that with me.

Happy Holidays

Happy Holidays everyone! Too busy to post this week. I will leave you with a heart warming article.
http://sports.espn.go.com/espnmag/story?section=magazine&id=3789373

Why Do We Enjoy Violence?

Signs of a Super Dad: A wife coming home to, laughter, a couch that is now a fort, and a warm dinner.


I love the NFL. I specifically love the Pittsburgh Steelers. I listen to sports radio everyday with hourly checks of the internet for Steelers updates. When they are playing, I pace the floor while screaming at the TV. I sometimes find myself huddled on the floor in the fetal position after a loss. Yes, I would consider it a borderline obsession. Why do I love a game where massively-large inhuman people bash into each other at high rates of speed? What is this obsession with such violence? Now that I think of it, why do I love movies with bullets flying and large explosions, or Kung-Fu movies with one man using his feet and fists to beat up an army? I sure am not the only one. So, what is with our societies need to watch and enjoy violence?

You can’t tell me it just a “man thing”. Look at your fiction writing. How almost every single best selling book has some form of violence in it, as well as the popularity of shows such as CSI and Heroes. What about the gladiators in ancient Rome? Take a look at Shakespeare. How so much of our fiction has this need for violence to push the plot along. Why do humans have this need for violence? I don’t know, I just think it’s an extremely interesting dichotomy. How we all agree war is terrible but we love watching it on TV. Let me explain further.

If I walked outside at this moment and started drop kicking random strangers in the face it wouldn’t be considered entertainment for those witnessing it. Survivors of war sure don’t find it entertaining. I would go as far as saying we as a people consider violence uncivilized. That people who murder or assault need to be punished by, interestingly enough, more violence. Violence in our home is frightening, and not tolerated, but violence on our TV’s is entertaining. Of course, you would agree that there is a degree of separation between watching or reading and actually experiencing. It’s like we want to get as close as possible to violence without actually fully experiencing it.

Take a leap with me. I am going to say that violence is just a component of, let us call it, the human dark side. That place where such abstract concepts as evil, the Devil, Abba reside. The things most fear and do not wish to experience first hand. We want tastes of this dark side, but if we ‘lose ourselves’ then we are considered inhuman, we even go as far as labeling them an “animal”. Is this how we distinguish between what is human and animal? Is one not human if they cannot control their dark side? You could say serial killers lose themselves to this dark side. Is he/she just a mindless animal? An animal has no conception of what it means to be violent or evil for that matter. An animal will kill for food, or protection, not for thrill. An animal has no dark side. So, I would argue, on this basis, that a serial killer is not equal to an animal. I would say this dark side is what makes us human, and also, perhaps, a beautiful manifestation of a natural occurring homeostatic system.

Restraints or rules society has constructed are meant to keep order, to keep us civilized. Without rules there is no order, no civilization. If we are free to do as we want when we want with no fear of repercussion from a governing body, then the hypothetical question becomes: if this were to happen would we all lose ourselves to our dark side? Would a gluttonous orgy of slaughter and mayhem leading to an apocalypse occur, or do we naturally side with what is ethical and right? Well if you’re an anarchist then it is the latter. Most feel the former. Can we conclude that the fear of humans giving into their dark side is the basis for government and religious dogma? That most feel without some form of societal control we would give in to the Devil/dark side and destroy ourselves. My point isn’t what would hypothetically happen, or what is even correct, but it is just an interesting quirk of the human condition. Why so many of us are interested in tasting something that could possibly destroy us. Well I will leave this question for another post. It is funny how my love for American Football leads to a discussion of the apocalypse.

You’re On The Greener Side of The Fence.

Signs of a Super Dad: A super dad will have his bad days, for he is only human, but it is what he does with those bad days that make him super.

A quick novel update. Last week I received an e-mail from a publishing company I had real hopes for. They did use my name and actual title of my book in their reply, but the reply was a no. I was pretty down about that. They are a small publishing company dealing with only books to my likely reading audience. It left me in a good funk for a couple of hours. I was able to pick myself up, but it has put a dent in my enthusiasm to keep querying. Just another wall I must crush through. Now to the topic of the week.

We have all heard the saying, “The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence.” I want to slap the meaning of this quote with my own little warped philosophy. The lawn on my side of the fence is patchy brown, filled with dandelions, and toys pop up like tombstones in a forgotten graveyard. Across the fence, my neighbor’s lawn is a flawless shade of green, each blade of grass a copy of the next swaying in harmonious glory with each breath of wind. His lawn always hedged in perfect angles. His grass is greener. It will always be greener. So take your shoes off and hope over that fence. Feel the blades of grass under your naked feet? Is this perfection? Feel those feet burning? Feel the caustic chemicals keeping that unnatural green perfection melt through layers of your skin? Is this really perfection? Well, kids can play in MY yard.

The lesson of the above saying is simple but one of the greatest lessons in life is the actual implementation. Most of us live like we are trying to get some place, that we must strive to reach what you feel is a ‘perfect self’ so to say. How you reach this is different for each person. Some say becoming wealthy enough to always take care of your family, or reaching a social standard where you always have many friends, or living in Christ’s image, or achieving enlightenment, either way they are all a goal of your own version of what’s perfection. That you are not perfect compared to ‘something’ and that you must work to rectify it. I don’t like this. I feel as a society we are so driven for perfection that we don’t stop and fully enjoy what we already have.

I live in a 2 bedroom apartment with two kids. I spend most of my days in this small space. Since winter is coming, my children and I are lucky to get outside for an hour or two. The question naturally arises, “Aren’t you going nuts? Don’t you want to live in a house?” Yes, sometimes I do feel like I am going stir crazy. Living in a house would be nice, but I can’t dwell on it. I am using this example to point out: that I could be sitting here brooding over how cramped my family is, but I would be missing out on what is good about being cramped. How easily accessible everything is; how I can keep an eye on both kids sitting in one position. This isn’t just frivolous positive thinking. I just don’t want to live my life missing out on the ‘now’ thinking about what could be. We are always working towards something. Always trying to get that promotion, get that new car, get, get, get. What we don’t realize is once we do get ‘it’ then what? In a year of two my family will move into a new home. When that day comes, a whole bunch of new problems and issues will arise. Then the cycle will begin again. We will have more kids which is going to mean we need a bigger house, or maybe the house isn’t close enough to town. What’s the point with thinking like this?

There is something wrong with this frame of thought. I am not saying not to have goals or aspirations to improve one’s self. What I am saying is don’t be so tied up in what could be. If you’re always living in the future, or the past for that matter, you’re not living with what really matters, and that is what is going on now. I need to make a greater effort to think this way. Hopefully, I will live to a ripe old age and, as I lie on my death bed looking back on my life, I hope I feel like I lived a full life in the “now” instead of always wishing what could or might have been. That I didn’t miss out on what was going on waiting for what was coming up.

Thanks for reading.

Addictive Personality?

Signs of a Super Dad: A Super Dad prepares Thanksgiving dinner and its Gooood.

I was reading an article online today. Here it is:
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?sec=health&res=950DE1DF1138F93BA25752C0A965948260

It is an article in the New York Times about Addictive Personality. Why am I bringing this up? Well, having a general interest from spending a few years working in the psychology field, I think psychological disorders are neat. The Addictive Personality is the next big thing in both the world of psychology and in the general public. To sum up, the article defines an Addictive Personality as having consistent/compulsive behavior that result in some type of “high” that as a result brings personal harm or harm to others. That there are “hard addictions”, such as drug and alcohol use, gambling, sex, and “softer addictions” such as TV watching, running, and internet porn. That people with this type of personality might get one addiction under control just to fall under the spell of another. I would argue that 90% of the population could fall under the Addictive Personality label. That an Addictive Personality is directly related to society’s ideals of what it means to be successful, not to mention a basic instinctual drive.

I know this seems like a pretty ridiculous statement, and my opinion is based completely on anecdotal evidence. But, hear me out. Let me first start with the basic instinctual drive. We have to eat. Eating gives you a “high”. Why does it? Well my view is that a thousand years ago if I would risk my life trying to kill a wooly mammoth with a stick, all the while avoiding large predatory animals with sharp pointy teeth, it better be the best tasting steak I have ever eaten. We all love good food. We all know that “high” feeling after eating something very yummy. It’s not the same as freebasing crack, but it is still a “high”. Is eating an addiction? For most of America yes. McDonalds hasn’t served billions because it is good for you. People eat it because it gives them that “high” feeling. I don’t keep eating pizza and wings for my health. Logically there is no reason to eat food that is killing you. We eat it because it feels good. This is the perfect example of an addiction, bringing harm to oneself as a result of getting that “high”. Of course, one could argue its all about moderation. That it isn’t an addiction if you’re eating moderately and not becoming overweight. This is true but how many people actually eat in moderation? If 2/3 of America could be considered overweight it is not many. http://www.surgeongeneral.gov/news/testimony/obesity07162003.htm

Now, how is an Addictive Personality directly related to the drive to become successful in our society? Addiction to ones career. The article pointed out a very interesting fact that doctors have the highest rate of opiate addiction in any group. Doctors are perfect examples of what I mean. Would you not say our society says being a doctor means you are successful? Just think how blindly dedicated a person has to be to become a doctor. The amount of pain and sacrifice they have to go through. The amount of stress they experience to obtain their standing in life, and we all know how harmful to the body stress is. The pressure they put on both themselves and their loved ones. Why would anyone go through such an ordeal? Perhaps for the “high”? That “high” feeling of accomplishment? The “high” you get from knowing you helped someone? Maybe even the “high” you get from your monetary standing compared to others? I am not a doctor, but I am pretty sure you don’t go through all that pain and anguish for no reason. They do it because something about it makes them feel good and it’s enough of a “high” feeling to keep them coming back. Is this not an addiction? How much different is this compared to other “highly successful” people. How many families are destroyed because a father or mother never sees their family because they are “addicted” to the job? I don’t have any statistics to back this up, but I would guess there are vastly greater numbers of people addict to their jobs compared to drugs.

Now, I would even go as far as to say that if you picked a random person off the street you would find out they are “addicted” to something. Think about yourself. Is their not something you do almost everyday that could be considered harmful to either yourself or your family? Doing something that causes too much stress, eating too many calories, spending too much time on the computer instead of paying attention to your kids. So what I am saying is this: there is no such thing as an Addictive Personality. We all have our addictions, some might have gotten into more serious ones, but we all still have them. Good or bad if most of the population has something it is not a disorder. Saying a human has an Addictive Personality is like diagnosing a dog with OCD because it can’t help chasing a ball. It just doesn’t make sense. Having an Addictive Personality is part of the human experience.

Thank you for reading. Tell a friend.
I have tried to enable showing comments directly under my posts. Some people are posting very insightful opinions that I hope all will read.

An Argument for Public Schools.

Signs of a Super Dad: A super dad does not bark often, but when he does EVERYONE stops what they are doing.

You always hear how the U.S. public school system is falling apart. Cliques and bullies, destroy our children’s self-esteem. Schools are overrun with gangs, drugs, and violence. Teachers aren’t paid enough. Classrooms are over crowded. Meningitis, Staph infections, and a host of all other kinds of disgusting diseases infecting students. Oh, and let’s not forget teachers having sex with their students. Are you scared yet? It isn’t surprising both the NCES and NHERI stated between the years 2003 and 2006 the number of homeschooled children has more then doubled. (I would post a link supporting that fact but I don’t feel like it. So just Google it.) Yes, many of those things happen. I was in high school when the first “suburban” school shootings started. The prospect of placing children into such a volatile situation as the public school system seems terrifying. Am I sensationalizing just like the evening news for ratings? Yes, but my point is this: Are the problems with public schools any different then adult life?

Students in public schools are from all walks of life. Many schools have different races, different social classes, different religions, different everything. It is easy to see how conflict would arise because of so much diversity. Public school is a scary place, but so is life. If you take your children out of public schools because you fear what “might” happen you are setting them up for failure. Sooner or later your kids will be introduced to the “evil” side of life. You cannot keep them away from it forever. Your children need to learn how to deal with complex issues that they are faced with in the public school system. It is not all about book learning, it is about socializing. It is about teaching your children how to deal with a bully, or cliques, or drugs. They need to learn how to interact with someone who thinks differently then them. This is how it will be when they are an adult.

We have to interact with people form different walks of life every day. The same problems that plague public schools do not suddenly disappear when children reach adulthood. If you try and keep your child inside a bubble sooner or later it will pop. By introducing them to the troubles and tribulations in public schools you still have time to teach them properly, instead of isolating them just to bombard them later. Now, I am not saying public schools are perfect, or that they don’t need a lot of work. I am just saying there is more to these “problems”. That these “evils” that go on can be used as teaching tools. Your children sooner or later will be introduced to them anyways. I would rather have them introduced while I still have some ability to teach them how to deal with it.

Naturally you can conclude what my view is on private schools and home schooling. I live blocks from one of the highest rated private schools in the country; I will not send my children there even if I had the money. If I had a doctorate in children’s education and 20 years experience as a school teacher I would never homeschool my children. Children don’t stay isolated for their entire lives. Sooner or later they are subjected first hand to various “evils” in the world. It is my job to teach my children how to deal with those “evils”. The public school system is a testing ground for how I am doing. Hopefully, it will tell me how I am doing before it is too late.

Epidemic of Fat

Signs of a Super Dad: A super dad knows the difference between a 4-3, 3-4, Nickel and Dime. The strengths and weaknesses of both the Zone Blitz and the Tampa 2. How to French Braid, name every Thomas Train on sight, and bake a mean pie.


I am not going to pretend I can do everything and be everywhere. Even a Super Dad has his limits. As my children grow older, I will have to start making choices. One of these important choices is how to handle after school activities. I will do everything in my power to “softly nudge” my children to play organized sport. Throughout grade school and high school I played organized sports. Sometimes I loved it, sometimes I hated it, but I didn’t really realize its importance till college. Like much of our lethargic society, I stopped all type of sports activity a couple years after high school. It didn’t take long till I was 70 pounds overweight and, in my view, morbidly obese. I wish I had kept physical activity as a daily routine that organized sports forced upon me. It took me 2 years till I could see my abs again. Now, I try to keep my body in decent physical shape by running, lifting, and playing Volleyball. My goal is to be in the best physical shape of my life. Not only for the health benefits and my wife liking it, I wish to be an example to my children.

Children should play organized sports because it gives them a daily routine of physical activity. Our society is too stationary. We have an epidemic of fat that is suffocating our population. Organized sports does not necessarily mean the staple sports people usually think of, Basketball, Baseball, Football, but even things like Kung Fu, marching band, anything that includes daily practice with physical activity. Hopefully by both being a good example and being involved with whatever sport they choose to play will help them further enjoy physical activity. That training and playing for a sport is both fun and something to be proud of.

Now, there is a stereotypical view of the “overly involved” dad. Everyone has seen the guy at a 4rth grade basketball game screaming at the refs because they made a call he didn’t agree with. This is not a Super Dad. This guy is an idiot. Reliving past failures through your children is both irresponsible and hurtful. A father needs to be a positive role model for their children. Screaming at your 9 year-old for missing a pop-up is the opposite of being a positive role model. Not only is this person embarrassing himself and his family, he is teaching his kids to be stressed out and hate something they should be doing all of their life. Don’t do it. This also leads into my next point.

There are draw backs to organized sports, specifically, the terrible coach. Organize sports should be about teaching kids good physical fitness habits, improving yourself through hard work, and working as a team. Not, winning at all costs. Coaches should teach, not worry about winning. I have experienced far too many piss pour coaches. This goes back to my post last week, a coach, like a parent, who constantly makes fun of their kids is doing harm, no matter what his record is. This is so incredibly obvious, right? And I cannot fathom why I keep seeing coaches of little kids who are screaming and insulting their kids. It’s ridiculous! It is easy for me to write it now, but it is my duty as a Super Dad to immediately yank my child out of anything he/she is participating in if I witness this. I just hope I have the strength at the time to act on it.

Pour coaching is atrociously bad at the high school level. Just because the kids are bigger means you can insult them? It makes me sick. Unfortunately, life is not fair, and more then likely when my children reach high school they will experience a terrible coach. I just hope I have given them the proper tools to deal with this crap. I would be monumentally proud if my child told a coach go “shove it”, but the sad fact is they might have a boss very similar to this one day. That this is a test drive to properly handle the situation and not ME trying to get back at past demons.

Thanks for reading. Tell a friend.